Will you blow on my dice?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
