I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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