i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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