Kiss
Puke
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
