I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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