Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
