He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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