I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
