I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
