seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
