its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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