She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize