so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
