they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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