the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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