in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
