Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
