their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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