Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
