booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
