honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
