I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
