WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
