His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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