Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
