So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
