Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
