And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
