i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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