Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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