Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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