glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Shame - the story of my life.
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