she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
