I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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