next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
