and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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