Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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