Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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