i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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