Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
