no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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