I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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