I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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