im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
