Pappa wants mamma naked
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
