She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
