you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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