She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
