If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
