Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
