NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
