LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
