Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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