You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
