so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
