Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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