I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
