Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
