since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
