dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
