My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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