your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
