Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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