He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
