who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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