Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm too high and old for this...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
