rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
