if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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