apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize