but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
