So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
