I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
